Broken Hearts

Today, on the way to Nashville, I witnessed a scene that broke my heart and brought instant tears to my eyes, as well as placed a rock in my gut. To try and describe what I saw and the emotional and physical reaction I had is practically impossible; but I will share the story:

As my love and I were headed down I-24 to Nashville for an afternoon of good company with a few needed errands we came up on what appeared to be a funeral escort. However, as we got closer we were confused and were discussing what it appeared we were coming up on. There was only one patrol car from Montgomery County escorting a single hurst. We were wondering if it was suppose to be a funeral procession or why there was a private escort. As we approached the escort I noticed a flag on the front of what looked like a hurst (we still weren't sure yet if that is what we were actually coming up on) - you know the flags you see on the limousine for diplomats or politicians?! Well that began to rise a couple more questions - then I noticed and pointed out what appeared to be a seal on the door, of what we now had identified as a hurst. The seal:

United States Army.

The solo escort was for the body solider of a recently killed United States Army Soldier who was probably on his/her way to somewhere in the United States, their hometown to be returned to the family after giving the greatest sacrifice any one person could give for his or her country; their life.

I can begin to tell or explain the pain, the emotion, the thoughts and worries i endured daily from the previous deployment we had just survived that came rushing to the forefront of my mind and engulfed my body. My heart ached - literally. I wanted to cry and scream in agony for the family and loved ones who were awaiting the arrival of their loved one, and I was instantly reminded to be grateful my loved on was returned to me safe and sound.

I had to think what I would have ever done had it been myself who had to endure such news and the suffering which would accompany it. As the significant other of a solider all I hear is "I don't know how you do it." The truth is, sometimes neither do I, all I know is that it's love. But what do you do when the love is ripped from your life? Even thinking about it now makes my stomach churn and my heart ache.

What I witnessed yesterday was not only humbling and made me want so bad to just pay my respects to the family with the most sincere gratitude, but will be an image forever ingrained in my memory.

Those who give the ultimate sacrifice for my freedom and your freedom must never be forgotten; I know that I myself will forever by eternally grateful.....

Let's make one thing VERY clear...

YOU are pathetic
YOU need to get a life and stop trying to feed off of mine
YOU are still the same sad, shallow person & I will be feeling sorry for you until the day I die because you cannot function without obsessing over my life's events
YOU will never be truly happy because you cannot accept reality and truth
YOU thrive on drama - but choose to claim despising it.
YOU think you have the world and your friends/boyfriend/fiancé/husband fooled - but really the only person to have fooled into believing you aren't miserable and a sorry excuse for a person is yourself....

Vote for ME!

For anyone reading my blog, I would greatly appreciate a little bit of helpful participation. There is a contest going on that runs through most of May which I have entered. The catch is you must create a user account to vote, but you can vote once a day between now and the end of the contest which I believe is May, 22. It's nothing real big but the prizes for places 1-3 are a generous offer and have potential. It would just be nice for myself and my love to have an excuse to get away from our everyday lives for a night or so. Thanks in advance to all who are willing to help!!

 

Three Years ♥

Today marks three incredible years of my life with the one I know I will love and cherish forever. It has not been an easy road - but it has been worth every struggle together or individually which we have faced. Since it's a week day I have planned to make his favorite meal for dinner - homemade; and then we are going out Saturday to celebrate together with a nice meal and just some quality fun time...

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on a side note since it's a day to celebrate relationships (well at least in my life) I have some additional commentary/soapbox ramblings some might get something out of, some who might care less about:::
I saw a quote the other day that I loved; it said: "If I have to explain it to you, then you don't understand." I really feel my relationship fits there because most people don't understand, most  people fall into three categories when they decide my relationship is their business:

1. they think I'm crazy, don't support it, think it will fail and never last.
2. they support it to they best of their understanding, might be too nosy sometimes, but at least it shows they care for the good not to destroy
3. they are indifferent - they don't understand it, don't really care t understand it and respectfully don't stick their nose where it doesn't belong.

Really, none of these categories phase me or my relationship at all. Some can try to convince themselves that they personally impact my choices and decisions in a relationship but the truth is, you don't - so cheers to all those who don't want to see me happy because you just make me that much stronger, you make my relationship so much better!

I felt for a friend the other day who shares a few common attacks on their relationship with a man in uniform. I had heard it myself before, but  she was discussing how someone said to her, she can't include the months and days her current boyfriend was away on deployment for how long they have been in a relationship. Like I mentioned I have had this said to me and I call BS - what difference does it make if your boyfriend or fiance or husband is deployed overseas with the military in whether or not you've been with this person for "x" amount of time?? Because not only is such a statement ignorant, it just goes to show the insecurities people have in their own relationships.

Just because you can't remain faithful to one individual when they don't live right down the road, doesn't mean other people have the same fallacies. The argument for that would be that those who's boyfriends, fiances, and husbands aren't in the military can only count how long their relationship has been with the days, hours, and minutes they have physically been in the presence of their significant other....

It's a petty comment made to try and hurt someone's feelings, but I would bet any day that a girl (or guy) who can stick by the one they love through a deployment is going to have better communication and trust (two of the most important cornerstones in a relationship) between each other and overall a stronger and healthier relationship than most... NOT 100% of the time, and that doesn't mean civilian relationships can't have the same thing, but if that is the attack angle you must take on someone it's a result of jealously and/or your own personally screwed up relationship or sense of reality.

NOW...sorry, I am done with my relationship soapbox -- but the point is what my love and I have is extraordinary, wonderful and stronger than most realize. Some don't want to accept that, and that is alright because it is one less obsticle and one less annoyance for us to deal with!

I have found the love of my life, and I wouldn't change anything about how we met, or how the last three years of or lives have been, for anything!

Under the Weather..

Ugh. The weather here is crappy today - and all the storms we've been having every couple days for the past few weeks, and the fact that it is literally suppose to be nasty stormy for the next week straight does not help my feeling of  icky-ness. Originally, and still, I believe everything is a result of my allergies, and for awhile I thought I cleared it up, but then it came back, and now it's mostly just bad in the mornings but I am SOOOOO tired of feeling crappy all the time. I took a cold&flu thing until it ran out and I thought that worked - when it didn't I moved onto, and I am still taking Claritin with either Sudafed or DayQuil rotating throughout the day, then at night I take NyQuil - but NOTHING will knock this crud from my system.

Being under the weather SUCKS. =(

Hiding Behind the Mask

Most of those who know me, know that I do not shy away from confrontation. That is a quality of myself I take pride in, and it will never change. I am a big believer that your actions must support your words, so if you are going to tell someone something, or threaten something then you better be ready for your actions to compliment what you are stating...otherwise I don' t understand the point in you even opening up your mouth and speaking nothing but lies??

It really irks be when people use the internet to bully other people or talk down towards an individual - they "hide" behind a computer screen and then think they are better than others. The most obnoxious part is when these people use the internet or computer to post/send messages to the public, known acquaintances of the victim or to the specific individual they choose to target and then use security features to keep such people from responding or seeing only specific statements or comments. Or how about when these people hack into a victim's online account to try and send out false lie or misleading messages in their name in order to slander an individual or attempt to turn people against them!?  How is it someone can be SO nosy and consumed on keeping up tabs on someone's life when they have their own life, and sometimes a family to worry about first?

[the adults who engage in these activities as well REPULSE me - don't you have a job, a husband, kids - or those who are single - don't you have a job, or maybe school, or a social life - all these things that should be what your life revolves around, but instead these people out there place ALL those chances and life blessing second to the individual on which they have an obsessed focused of that they cannot rid themselves of]

These people have to literally "stalk" someone else just to be content with day-to-day doings, and even that doesn't always satisfy the deeply driven impulse or need. Or someone explain to me HOW and WHY someone who has no part in someone's life (asides from jealousy they have something they can't ever get and are miserable in their own life) is going to get so emotionally and physically worked up or upset and have such a huge reaction to the decisions made or actions taken in this other person's life. How does anything this person someone is obsesed with stalking or harassing or bullying online affect the obsessee's life??

It boils down to the jealousy and insecurity of these attackers behind their computer screens. You can deny it all you want, but when you have to use the computer to try and get under someone's skin, especially when you have the resources to handle your issues in person - I don't know whether you are pathetic or just that addicted to a drama-prone life.

I guess for me - I just don't understand it all? I cannot comprehend how or why some people have to go out of their way to attempt and hurt others, or tear apart their relationships? Can anyone actually explain this phenomenon to me? This whole "cyber-bullying" things has gone crazy to the extreme. And I don't know if it is more sad that these incidents are happening so often, and people resort to this kind of childish behavior - or if no one in society is surprised anymore when they hear of another suicide by child/teenager due to cyber-bulling or technology based harassment.

If I myself EVER say anything online or about someone not in their presence - you better believe it means I am ready and willing to say it to their face as well. Some people may doubt this - but the reality is those who doubt - it means I have already said something to your face or admitted to something and it's not that I have offended you but rather nailed the truth on the head and that then is YOUR guilt making you feel offended. Then your instincts kick in and tell me I am liar and I have no idea what I am talking about. Funny how that works right? People try to hard to deny and hide the truth about situations or about themselves, about their past - and when you focus SO hard on suppressing such things, you really are opening the door for others to see the true you and see through the facade. 

Such a topic stirs my emotions; I go from being irritated, to angry, to feeling sorry and sympathetic for the attackers, but of course still feeling pain for the victims! It's a problem in society, and one quite frankly I know won't be going away and one people always talk about  but does anyone eve actually do anything to try and stop it? Do you jump on the band wagon? Or do you simply ignore it until it affects you or someone you love?

Introducing Maximillion - but we'll just call him MAX for short!

So today we brought home our new family addition, a little (well "little" is relative) 8 week old puppy. After a couple hours finally a name thrown out stuck - Max. But he's gonna be a big boy so we had to do better - Maximillon; okay, okay, that name is all in fun because in reality just "Max" will be what sticks. We aren't 100% sure what he is, but the rumor is one parent was rottweiler and the consensus was lab for the other mixed part. However, there was supposedly one pup in the litter who had blue eyes, so there may be some husky/malamute hidden in the genes. We are planning to get a doggy-DNA test done so we can know what he is so we'll see!!