Freedom..

"Man is free at the moment he wishes [chooses] to be." — Voltaire

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I was flipping through the TV channels the other day and came across an episode of America's Next Top Model. Now, I have never been a big fan of the show, or watched it on a regular basis, but usually it was the only thing to watch on days where I would stay home sick from school, or there would be special marathons so I would watch it from time to time. For all the trashy "reality" shows that are on now-a-days I don't find this one to be quite as bad in most aspects.

So let me preface a little; this particular episode was the first episode of this particular season after the contestants were narrowed down to 14, and thus began challenges and photo shoots. Well, the photo shoot for this episode had to do with bullying. Specifically it was a focus on and aiming to target bullying within schools and that bullying is the number one leading cause of suicide among America's teens and young adults. The task for this photo shoot was for each girl to pick out a word or name that they were bullied by when they were younger, bringing back painful memories of when they were bullied and teased and you saw a lot of raw emotion and left over pain from someones childhood. However, with the choice of these bullying words, the girls also had to find their "strong word" - or the contrast to a word which pained them for years

The thing is, most people, even those who bully others, have at some point been hurt or bullied by other's words and actions. What gets me is especially when those who have felt such pain and know what it's like still turn around and will bully others or try to tear people down. How does someone know and have lived with such raw emotional pain sometimes taking a physical effect or toll on them and then turn around and do that to others? Do they not remember how much it hurt them, and if so then why would you ever wish such pain to be inflicted on someone else? I saw on a friend's profile the other day: "If people are trying to bring you down, that only means that you are above them." - LOVE IT.

Everyone always tries to say how if someone is making fun of you, or picking on you, or being mean/hating/disliking you for no apparent reason, [[especially when they can't even give a reason for such deep rooted hate when someone asks specifically what your issue with them is]] that is is a result of jealousy. While I don't think that "jealousy" is the most correct term I do agree with the quote that the reason they do such things is because they are unhappy in their own lives, and they see you rise above them, above their hate and cruelty towards your or others and so they try to disguise it in whichever way they can.

I have been thankful and appreciative that I was blessed with discernment and the ability to see through people's facades. It has helped me out much and even if I didn't pick up on anything right away after the fact I have always realized why I carried and funny feeling with me through a relationship or experience...

..but back to where I was heading with the bulling words and then the alternate positive word these aspiring models were asked to choose - - one of the positive word chosen by a specific individual was: FREE.

In terms of bullying or even life in general how liberating is such a word? We live in America where "freedom" is what we advertise - but being free is so much more than that. To have the freedom to be yourself without reservation, and to be free from the worlds hatred and those who spend the majority of their free time and lives trying to degrade you, or harm you whether it be emotionally or physically.

Being FREE in yourself and knowing that you are so much more than what others might think or say about you is such closure when you feel you've hit nothing but defeat your entire life...Most recently in my life have I finally felt like I am free to be me; and free to go where God has destined me to go. I have been granted such peace and assurance in my own personal freedom lately and it is truly inspiring. I hope that everyone - someday will be able to be free in their own way and experience the joy which comes with it! I am so glad to finally be free...

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GO & BE FREE

Blocked...

I know it has been a bit since I last posted....

I went home for a 4-day weekend in NC, for my mom's Master's Graduation and to see some friends and family whom I haven't seen in months! It was a busy and packed weekend, but it was still enjoyable - minus the drive of course. Usually I have never minded the drive between Clarksville and Winston Salem, but this go-round I really had my butt kicked!

I don't have much to say in this particular post, but I have had lots of thoughts, brainstorms, and soapboxes since my last entry and I'm sure I'll get to those here in a couple days or so, but I have had one instances or thing on my mind that just has been bugging a tiny-weenie but more than others and that's, "blocked" phone calls.

SERIOUSLY? I mean the only reason people ever block calls anymore is in the hope that someone will pick up. Well here's a clue to some of ya'll special people:

a)most of the time, people will still know who it is trying to call so why block your number?
      **I mean do you really think you can be successful calling to harass someone but then don't have the balls to leave your number on caller id!!? Your lucky if they will even pick up to see what you have to say, let alone like they would ever call you back. Your chances of your phone call going unanswered are even greater if it come's up as "blocked" on caller ID rather than just let your number through.

b)do you really have nothing better to do, or so much extra time that you need to send blocked calls out to someone multiple times a week in the hopes that they will eventually answer.
     **Heck, if you really want to talk to someone and they aren't answering you might as well leave a VM from your "blocked" number so at least you can get what you need to say off your chest!


I just don't understand the need for all this hiding people do today behind phones, and faux emails or behind their computer screens. If you have something to say, come out and say it, or if you're going to say/threaten it via a computer or something else at least have  the guts to follow through in the real world!! Stop wasting your time on petty little things like wasting time trying to get someone to answer their phone with a blocked number. ESPECIALLY when you are someone they want nothing to do with ever again..I guess some people just can't get the message through they think mush in their head they actually believe is a brain they know how to utilize!

Just because you are unhappy, or wish you could have things differently, or change the past or whatever doesn't mean everyone else has the same regrets in their life. You made your bed now grow up, suck it up, and sleep on it! Leave other people alone, and just get over yourself!!

Cold Hard Truths..

I write with freedom from guilt. What I write here is truth, & relative to my life. Everything comes from deep within my heart and that which bears on it and my head alone. No alterior motives & no hidden messages...

kMc

I'm Coming Home....

Well not permanently! Haha I am excited to be making a trip to good 'ole Winston Salem this upcoming weekend to visit friends and family and watch my mom graduate with her master's degree!! I am looking forward to seeing everyone and especially hopeful to see my one btothe whom I haven't seen since November 2010 when he left for the Marines.

Not much else to tell for now but I have lots of plans as well as some free time so overall I think it will be a great long weekend and I'm sure will have Plebty to share after I get back home to Clarksville.

Can't wait!!

You're Not That Innocent...

Funny how quickly and often people judge others. Those who tend to judge the most, are those who claim to live a Christian life, are those who try SO hard and think they lead such a great witness....

I truly believe when we as Christians, or even just as people stay true to who we are and what we believe we will be more happy than trying to play this game figuring out what we have to do in order to be "who we are suppose to be." Do we know where we're suppose to end up? No. Do we always know who we are meant to be or what we are to do with our lives? No. So while we have those periods of time in our lives where we try to figure out who to be, where to go, what to do - there is no need to over analyze or get dramatic about it all. Quite frankly, those I know who tend to go overboard on analyzing ever little daily event in their lives are the ones who end up living in secrets and lies, disguising who they really are from family, their closest friends, and definitely the world. Because heaven forbid if anyone were to find out who they really were or what they have really done behind closed doors and when they think no one else it watching or knows....

...dirty little secrets.

Everyone has them, or has had one at some point in their life. And no one is perfect, especially not Christians. But even only being partially truthful still constitutes lying or if you disagree with "lying" it's still being deceiving.

The kicker here for me is how these kinds of people can be so quick to judge and then go out and do the same crap, justifying it or not, especially when they have the nerve to call someone out on perhaps poor judgement or a mistake, or even end a friendship over arguments or actions disagreed with but then turn around and look the other way when someone else does the same things.
And this person feels they hold some type of entitlment to choose which person to forgive and which to cast aside...like they hold some special authority on who deserves forgiveness and second chances; they think they have never played into fault so they like to play the "i forgive you but we cant be friends" crap but unconditionally forgive, support and standby someone who they again feel they hold the authority to judge on if this individual has truly changed their ways... well thanks for that great Christian witness...or really lack thereof.
Hypocrisy - it disgusts me beyond words. I am repulsed by it being slapped around consistently in society especially when those who are the biggest hypocrites are the ones who loudly announce and program to be Christians. And people wonder why Christians have such a bad rap... ^^this was just one of thousands of examples of "Proud Christians" - those who believe they are better than the next person and are granted this special right and authority to be worldly judges. As much as it angers me, I have the comfort in knowing they will one day be responsible to answer for the actions and judgements they continue to pass on earth....

Changes...

Yesterday, I have to admit was a pretty productive day. After my morning hours for the Y I got home and go ready to hit the road with my other half for Nashville/Franklin TN. I only had a very small window of time for - car shopping.

A little background - I bought my first car on my own last year and really didn't have anyone local (or in the country) With car knowledge willing to help me out despite me asking for it. It was (and still is) a great first car, but not the most practical for me working full time as oppose to maybe a high school student and new driver. I had a Honda Civic 2 Door Coupe and with a dog, well now two dogs and with the things I have to carry back and forth for work it was more of a hassle than convenience to have my car. Also even though there were on 67,000ish miles on my car, because of the year it was made, the longer I held onto it, the more upside down it might make me to try and trade it in and finance a newer car. Thus began my search.

I knew I wanted to upgrade to a four-door sedan. I was pretty stuck on just wanting to find a newer model used Civic, but with more research and a little push and insight from the man I opened up to other type of cars within the same class. These were my restrictions; no red gold/tan exterior, less than 50,000 miles, 2006-7 or newer, less than $19,000 and good fuel economy. Pretty strict, but reasonable and realistic. My goal was to find a car I would be comfortable with for more longer terms and that I could more than likely pay off within a decent time frame. I started my research and searching online, partly because i didn't, and still wouldn't have the time to go dealership to dealership and was informed it would be best to purchase fr the Nashville area to cut down on the chance of being ripped off...which 45-50+ miles away depending on dealership location was definitely not feasible for frequent visits. Last weekend we went out to Nashville to search some and check out a couple of the cars I found online; and even after finding one well within my preferred price range for financing along with a very generous appraisal on my current car I decided to go for it - it was a no go. I tried not to be so discouraged or upset, I had a feeling this particular used dealership would be hard to work with because they limit their financing relationship to four banks/companies but I loved the car I had found - I thought it's perfect the color, the make and model, the mileage, THE PRICE was outstanding for this particular car - but just like every aspect of life, all happens for reasons unknown to us at the time but those reasons are revealed to us later...

So after deciding I would just wait it out and take a break it was only a couple days later C saw a commercial on TV for a new dealership offering even more for any trade-ins than what my car was appraised at. I spent the next day or so looking and requesting information on a few used mods of different cars but after talking directly with a sale individual on the phone he convinced me to check out the new 2011 models of their cars in the same class as what I was searching for. I said I would check it out and he was sending me some web links to learn more as well. Your thinking - how in the heck can a brand new car still fit within my price range?? Well I was surprised as well and nervous because even just three years ago I wouldn't have considered this car even C said before he wouldn't consider the car but was very impressed at the advances and improvements and it was a good car. I was shocked - he used to
call these cars pure trash and now he was suggesting we test drive one and check it out.

So that's just what we did, and after an extremely impressive test drive as well as learning about the car and cool features and mpg ect...I decided to let them appraise my car and see what the numbers were and make a decision from there - to wrap up a long story I drove off the lot in a brand new Black 2011 Kia Forte with 15 miles on the odometer.

I am very pleased and satisfied with the car we found, and I'm confident it will be worth the investment. I know in years last Kia has been considered "crap" for lack of a better word, but the new Kias have been rebuilt and redesigned to be much better car. We actually learned that the designer for the Kia Forte used to work in Audi's design department, and I am quite impressed with the results for an economical and affordable car now on the market.

The ride home in my new car was pleasant and enjoyable despite me racing the clock for work.

And to end my day, after my afternoon shift I came home, we ran an errand to petsmart, I came home and made some dinner then fell asleep by 9pm ... I was bummed later cause I had stuff I planned to do before bed but I guess that will now just be all on today's to-do list.

...be mindful and respectful; an acceptance of an apology doesn't grant trust, don't over step too soon. Some things might still be raw with lots of skepticism..but just as the title I believe people can change if they truly choose to...


<3

Recent World Events..

 "I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” - MLKJR

The recent world events have caused an uproar in the world but in what I feel is more "my world" - the military community; our concerns and fears are increased. Many of people I know still have loved ones deployed and many more will have someone deploying in the future, near or far. We know that the death of our greatest enemy means the fighting will be worse until we finally destroy the terrifying beast, Al Qaeda, and we know we will because we have no other choice for our country's safety and freedom.

We are Americans and we never stop. But we are more than Americans, we are the American Armed Forces and their families. We go through what other families never can experience especially emotionally. They don't watch the news with any of our specific concerns. They don't worry the moment the words "Army/Marines/Navy/Air Force" and "Deployment/Afghanistan/Iraq" appear on the news. We  spend our days attempting to keep busy and nights alone and awake, trying to fight off the empty ache of loneliness. Our joys are short phone calls and letters/e-mails and the ever-so rare skype dates. We fall in love over and over with the same man (or woman), the same man/woman who fights for all of us, even those who don't care.

Those men and women who serve our country are the only reason America still stands. Our government has failed us over the past few years, and, it seems, only gets worse as time goes by. We need change but in order to do that we must wait; we must be patient and we must stay strong and united. It is our jobs as the American Military and those that represent them when they are off fighting. We must be strong and we must carry on, carrying the burden of our entire country in this fight against hate, terrorism and  the enemies of our men and women. This isn't just a fight between countries, it's a fight between for those who have lost their husbands/fathers/brothers/sisters/wives/mothers/aunts/uncles ans so forth. It is a fight which, has gotten personal. We will win because we have always proven that our determination will always outlast anyone else's.

Now as the future becomes the present and our new futures are being formed it is a great burden to the support system of the Armed Forces, the wives, husbands, fiances and girlfriends, left to  be a backbone for this small percentage of Americans and it is they who shall endure the second hardest job in the Military. Some raise children alone and some are spending the happiest times of their youth waiting for their prince charming to return. We all have a role that is far too under-appreciated.

I know we do not suffer the same wounds, physically or mentally, but I believe our test is more of an endurance of mind and will. We learn to survive alone. We learn to fix the clog in the sink, fix a pipe, paint, play baseball. We learn how to be alone with children because sometimes no one can help us. Sometimes we are too far away from loved ones to have any family, so we forge friendships and bonds. We create in person or through networking and the internet a sisterhood that surpasses any sorority that could exist which will NEVER be understood by others. 

Now that Bin Laden is dead and whether or not you choose to "celebrate" that fact, our lives will change. Already alert levels are raised and we find ourselves waiting and wondering "how will they get us back? or "will he be sent out again early even though he just got home?" We hope that it won't happen but anyone foolish to think that isn't thinking about the situation. Islamic extremists are infuriated with the American Government and our Military. Regardless that this terrorist initiated our vengeance in 1993 and furthered the cause in 1998 with the USS Cole bombing and finally attacked our Homeland on September 11th, 2001; they will  be angered by the death of their, for all-intents and purposes, King.

We have cut the head out of the best, and now we must  hope it doesn't grow back too many heads. Until we know what the future holds, I beg of all of you to carry yourselves with dignity and strength. Remember to pray for our servicemen and women everywhere. Pray for our Heroes and pray for America. We are at the verge of a potentially drastic change for parts of life. What happens now will determine everything. God Bless America and God Bless her People. 

History...

Now I lay me down to sleep
one less terrorist this world does keep
with all my heart I give my thanks
to those in uniform regardless of ranks
you serve our country and serve it well
with humble hearts your stories tell
so as I rest my weary eyes
while freedom rings our flag still flies
you give your all, do what you must
with God we live and God we trust
Amen